Bonnie Temple, Deet Wright, and Maura Donahue are no longer being supported by the magnanimous George Watson. In an attempt to catipult The Dock Restuarant out of the 50's and into the 90's, Mr. Watson has jettisoned the dead wood. "The place was starting to look like Pizza Village!" remarked the affable bar owner. Rumor has it the disgruntled trio will be employed at the sushi bar in the dock area. The new restuarant is going to be housed in the building that was formerly Fish Tales. The new place is going to be called Fish Wives. To show that there are no hard feelings, the noble Mr. Watson has sent each of his former employees on their way with a girdle and a box of depends. In a moment of candor, Mr. Watson was overheard stating that he will no longer employ women who refuse to accept the fact that they are getting old.
Slow Bob, who has been missing since last August, has been found on the Napeauge Stretch. When he was last seen, Bob was peddling his bike to Town Court. When asked to account for his whereabouts Bob stated that everything was fine, he was right on schedule until "I hit the western overlook just before Christmas and the winter winds took over." Bob was found by a highway worker on his bicycle in an upright position just east of Cyril's, his slightly gaunt frame covered in vines and weeds. Bob reports that he is no worse for the wear, although his legs are "just a little thinner."
Ron is no longer a big-time Sea Captain. "Fishing is ka-put," stated the bloated, tattooed, former Navy Seal. "The real money is in yard sales!" he declared. The ex-captain plans to hold his first yard sale in mid-May. Items up for sail include: lorans, side band radios, hatch covers, survival suits, and a plywood patch suitable for a large boat. Tommy and Liz, the owners of Ron's former vessel, The Hungary Dog, plan to rechristen the ship The Emaciated Dog. Richie "The Vulture" from the Montauk Fish Dock, in a kind fashion, suggested that instead they rechristen it The Belt Parkway Dog.
Citing irreconcilable differences, the Brothers Rottach have decided to close the family establishment. When asked why they were closing, Bob Rottach said that by the time he gets up at 2:30 in the afternoon, feeds the birds and rides his motorcycle, the day is shot. " The mashed potatoes are barely thawed out by the time our first customer comes in at 9:15" the wimpy, leather clad homo stated. Bob's fat little brother "Odie" also claimed to be too busy to serve the 6 to 8 customers they get on a busy weekend. "Between drinking and taking care of my daughter" the rotund, balding, slothful Eric said "I've got a full plate." Besides, my wife has a job.
John Kingston hasn't made a Lions club meeting since last year. The only person that seems to miss Lion John is Lion Eric "Odie" Rottach. "It gets lonely at the asshole table talking to Lion Buddy Burke" said Odie. "Besides, if Lion Buddy calls me kid one more time, I'll rip his throat out.
Mike "Mikey Mike" told this reporter that Joel hit the big time when Uncle Bernard passed away and left Capt. Mumbles a small fortune. This reporter always wondered why Joel named his son Bernard. Maybe now people will be more interested in what Joel has to say that he's rich. Mike "Mikey Mike" said he wants to adopt Scotty Fletcher and change his name to Joel, in hopes that things will work the same for him.
Danny Stavola will attempt his first try at public office by running for school board. Danny has the support of this paper. I urge everyone that likes Danny to come out and vot